TEX MEX FEAST TODAY.

Cilantro Lime Rice. Black Bean Mole. Margarita Chicken. BACON GUACAMOLE.

CILANTRO LIME RICE
Time: 20 Minutes
Amount: 2 cups.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 cup long grain rice. I used basmati because I had it on hand.
• 2 cups water
• 2 tbsp fresh cilantro
• 2 limes

DIRECTIONS:

1. Rinse your rice in a colander until the dirty water is clear. This makes it less starchy. If you choose not to rinse, your rice is going to be thicker and slightly heavier. FYI.
2. Chop cilantro roughly.
3. Heat in a pot water and rice over medium high heat, stirring frequently. When it boils, reduce to medium low heat, add in cilantro, and cover.
4. Simmer for 12-15 minutes until the rice has absorbed the water.
5. Juice limes directly into the rice, fluff with a fork, and serve.

BLACK BEAN MOLE
Time: 40 Minutes
Amount: 3 cups.

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 tbsp vegetable oil
• 2 tsp crushed garlic
• 1/2 red onion
• 1 hot pepper
• 1 tbsp cumin
• 1 can black beans
• 1 can tomatoes
• 2 oz dark chocolate
• Salt to taste

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a large pan, heat your oil over medium heat.
2. Chop garlic, onion and hot pepper very fine. Saute.
3. Add cumin and rinsed black beans. Cook for approximately 5 minutes.
4. Add tomatoes and cook until most of the juices have evaporated.
5. Chop chocolate and add to sauce.
6. If you have an immersion blender, blend your heart out. Me, I have the magic bullet blender, so I have to pour it into the blender when it is still super hot (and I almost always burn myself). Puree until the sauce is smooth. Add water in single tablespoon increments if it is too thick to blend.
7. Continue to cook (and now I’m going to make a mess trying to pour my hot mole back into a hot pan) for about 5-10 minutes until the sauce starts to thicken again. Serve.

MARGARITA CHICKEN
Time: 30 Minutes
Amount: 1 chicken breast

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 chicken breast
• 1 tbsp vegetable oil
• 2 oz tequila
• 1 oz orange liqueur
• 2 oz lime juice
• 2 tsp salt

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a pan with a lid, heat your oil over medium-high heat.
2. When oil is hot, add chicken. Don’t let the oil splatter you. I always dry off my chicken before adding it to oil, so it doesn’t explode.
3. Allow the side down to cook for 4-5 minutes until edges of chicken are white and the bottom starts to brown. Flip the chicken.
4. Add all the booze and the lime juice to the pan to deglaze. Cover the pan to keep your chicken swimming in those delicious flavors. Cook for another 4-5 minutes.
5. As you plate, sprinkle salt on the chicken. Margaritas should ALWAYS be served with salt. NO EXCEPTIONS.

BACON GUACAMOLE
Time: 15 Minutes
Amount: SO MUCH DELICIOUS GUACAMOLE

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/2 oz bacon fat
• 1/2 large red onion, diced
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
• 2 limes, juiced
• 2 avocados
• 1 firm roma tomato

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a small pan, heat the bacon fat over medium-low heat. You do not want to heat this over super high heat or it could splatter when you put your onions in. Trust me.
2. When the fat is warm, sweat your onions. This is going to make your kitchen smell fantastic. Remove before they start to caramelize. Don’t just pour the contents of the whole pan into the blender, actually remove the onions from the oil. Even the biggest carnivore will have digestive problems with insides coated in such small quantities of bacon grease. As always, allow the grease to cool and then throw it away in a trash can rather than down the drain.
3. In a large blender, combine the onions, cilantro, lime juice, avocados (peeled and pitted of course), and roma tomato (with the top cut off; no one wants to bite into the stem). Blend until creamy.

So here’s the thing. My roommate Colin doesn’t like bacon. I’m pretty sure he hates when I cook with it because our poorly ventilated apartment smells of it for HOURS, but even he loved this guacamole. Now it is hard to eat a ton of it because of the bacon fat, but it is so good. Serve it at parties (but let your vegan and vegetarian friends know… or don’t).

This feast will surely keep your taste buds happy and stomach full: you’ve got salty, sweet, sour, creamy, spicy, meaty (umami!). Who can argue with something so delightful?

Let’s see if I can sneak this one in without anyone noticing.

So I love salads, but hate eating healthy. DILEMMA. So here’s a great way to keep those skinny bitches who are concerned with glycemic index and fat contents. Tell them to shut up and stop worrying; life needs its fattening salads.

MAPLE CANDIED BACON
Time: 20 Minutes
Amount: As much as you’d like. I’m not going to stop you.

INGREDIENTS:

• Bacon
• Maple Syrup (1/4 cup per 4-5 pieces)

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook your bacon over medium heat in a VERY GOOD nonstick or VERY DURABLE stainless steel pan until just crispy. I don’t care if you like chewy bacon; you are gross and wrong. Also you are going to put a nice candy coating on it, so it is going to be crunchy.
2. Pour maple syrup (1/4 cup for every 4-5 pieces) directly over the bacon, still hot in the pan. Toss around to make sure it is all covered and simmer on low. The sugars in the maple syrup will start to cling to the bacon as the water evaporates. When the bacon becomes pretty shiny and the syrup is mostly evaporated, remove the bacon to a raised cooling rack. Don’t touch it with your fingers, and you won’t get sugar burns all over your greedy little paws.

For the salad, I just crumbled it up and threw it in with some baby spinach, cherry tomatoes, crumbled, warm baked mac and cheese (with a teaspoon of ground mustard in it instead of bacon). The oils from the cheese are good enough to be a dressing, but if you must add, I’d choose a good honey mustard.

You bring this to a cookout, and all your skinny-assed friends will forget what a glycemic index even is. Let’s all get fat and happy together.

HERE IS A LIST OF IMPORTANT THINGS.

1. I was born and raised in Atlanta.
2. I currently live in San Francisco.
3. I can count the decent southern food restaurants in San Francisco on one hand.
4. I love southern food.

Because of the predicament in which I have placed myself, I am often forced to try and recreate my southern favorites in the kitchen whenever I get a little homesick.

Today I tried to get a California license (with an appointment at 9:10 in the morning… terrible planning on my part), but when I got to the DMV, my Georgia license and social security card was apparently not enough personal identification to begin the process, so I was sent home. After the long walk home, I decided that maybe today was a perfect chance to celebrate my southernness (along with a chance to plan use up some of the pork sirloin I got on sale last week). And that is why I spent seven hours making barbecue sauce this afternoon.

Now, I am well aware that BBQ sauces are regional (Eastern Carolina style is runny and vinegar-based, Lexington is a tomato and vinegar based sauce, mustard based sauce calls South Carolina home, Texas BBQ sauce is smoky and thin, and Kansas City sauces are super sweet and thick tomato sauces), but those different types all lack a little something, so I combined a few different styles in order to make something that was my very own.

RECIPE: Barbecue Sauce
Time: 7+ Hours
Amount: 2 cups plus 1 cup Marinade

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 tbsp Paprika
• 2 tbsp Chili Powder
• 1 tbsp Ground Black Pepper
• 1 tsp Ground White Pepper
• 1 tsp Cumin
• 1 tsp Mustard
• 1 tsp Ground Ginger
• 1 tsp Crushed Garlic
• 1 tsp Red Pepper Flakes
• 1 1/2 cup White Vinegar
• 2 Small Sweet Apples Cored and Sliced
• 1 Can Diced Tomatoes
• 1 oz Bourbon
• 3 tbsp Light Brown Sugar
• Water

DIRECTIONS:

1. Heat Paprika, Chili Powder, Peppers, Cumin, Mustard, Ginger, Garlic, and Red Pepper Flakes on medium heat for 1-2 minutes until spices start to stick together and garlic starts to brown. Turn heat down to low.
2. Add Vinegar, Apples, Tomatoes, and about 1 cup Water. Stir together and reduce. Cook on low for about an hour. The tomatoes will start to break apart and apples will soften.
3. Remove Apples and put them in a blender with 1 cup water. Blend until everything is liquid. Add liquid to your sauce. This natural sweetness will temper the heat from the peppers.
4. Add 1 oz Bourbon to add a little smokiness. Stir. As sauce reduces and starts to boil, add more water. The key is to cook the sauce slowly on extremely low heat.
5. After about 4 hours, and with about 4 cups of sauce in the pan, I reserved about 1 cup of thin sauce for a marinade for my pork. Remember to let it cool before you start to marinate.
6. Add Brown Sugar and continue to cook and add water. I don’t add the sugar before I take the marinade out because the sugar will burn when you cook it with the pork on a hot surface. If you taste the sauce and want it sweeter, add more sugar. This is your finishing sauce, and you can have it however you like it.
7. Cook for a few more hours until the sauce is a deep red/brown color and is a little thinner than ketchup.

FINALLY we have something great. All it took was a few different spices, tomatoes, vinegar and some booze and you’ve got a fantastically rich barbecue sauce and marinade that you can use to impress everyone at your next BBQ. In a few days, I’ll let you know how the pork I’ve got marinating turns out. Also: pictures!